Family Goal Setting - Doomed To Fail?
Before we get into family goal setting I think it’s important to remind you that personal development means just that — personal, as in “a person”! If that sounds a trifle harsh, please believe it is not intended to belittle any growing enthusiasm you may have to share the best of personal development with your loved ones.
Rather, it is a plea to exercise a degree of self-restraint in how you choose to share your knowledge. In this article I present four simple ways you might introduce a family goal setting toolkit.
Most of what I have to say here is of course influenced by my own family upbringing and also by my experiences as a father and husband. Those roles are probably even more influential than any coaching skills I claim to bring to the table! That’s because there are certain implicit assumptions in what I believe the purpose of a family is. Naturally, you will have your own assumptions and beliefs concerning your family.
Perhaps the most effective way of introducing the benefits of family goal setting is by example — in other words “do as I do”, not “do as I say”! There are many pitfalls in letting your enthusiasm for personal development spill over into a kind of zeal to convert those around you into doing the same.
In my experience as a coach and family member, not only is this often counterproductive but it verges on being unethical. From a coaching perspective you can empower others with the ability to choose to emulate what they see you doing, without having to lecture them. So, the primary way is to be a light and an example to your family.
Most functional family units are characterized as such by the degree to which they encourage each others strengths and yet are compassionate about weaknesses. There is a tendency to share not just tangible things but each others company for the sake of it. And in particular, in a world which is addicted to getting endless things done and spending so-called quality time, the antithesis of doing nothing but enjoying the time that family members spend together can almost invisibly lend itself to a natural and unforced conversation about goals.
A good example is where a meal at the table involves not just good food but good conversation between family members - and without the mood altering participation of the TV Goggle box! This is a great time to share not just daily ups and downs (aka short-term goals) but to talk about plans and hopes for the future. And to listen to what others are planning without necessarily prejudging — difficult as that may be to do. It takes practice!
Such family conversations have a natural tendency over time (but not every time!) to ignite both curiosity and cooperation. Of course jealousies and competition between siblings can and do occur. So this will not be picture postcard perfect by any means.
However a fantastic opportunity to kickstart family goal setting among your children is to offer your help (i.e. your time, not necessarily your money) with something they are very keen to do or be.
A third way which will amaze them is to offer occasionally to help with part of their household chores, especially if they’ve been busy or are tired. But watch
The fourth way is by an ongoing commitment to what I call “mastery”. If you are joyfully serious about personal development and goal setting, this probably seems a natural and ongoing evolution.
Mastery simply implies that goal setting, like any other learned skill, takes not only practice and time but a long-term commitment to keep practicing for the sake of practicing. This implies that there is a love for the process of goal setting that is apparent to anyone observing what you are doing and how you are living.
In a family setting the cultivation of practice itself, as an art to be enjoyed and persevered with, is a skill that will stand family members in good stead.
We know that there will be apparent successes and failures in many aspects of our daily living, not just in medium and long term goals. This comes with being human and fallible, yet filled with potential.
I know this goes against the quick fix or immediate gratification way of living that seems prevalent in Western civilization, but isn’t long-term peace of mind preferable to climactic self gratification?
If you are interested in further information on the process and joys of “mastery”, I highly recommend you check out the book
Need help with Family Goal Setting but can’t afford an excellent coach?
http://www.goalcreationmaps.com/art
Mark McClure is a certified career & life coach - and a family goal setting guinea pig 
Tags: family, goal setting, smart goals
